When you are on a date...

[Team Jetfire]

who pays for everything? I have been in a relationship with my wife for 15 years and never dated anyone as an adult, but I heard something on AM talk radio the other day and was very annoyed about something that I heard.
Essentially a listener called in explaining that he recent got out of a long term relationship and was again on the dating scene. He started courting this woman and after a few months noticed that he paid for everything, movies, dinner, drinks etc. He was getting a little upset about it as it seemed like she was taking advantage of him and he bank account was feeling the pinch. He was looking for the protocol of dating.

When I heard this I was a little surprised, but for the most part was in agreement with the caller as I figured that in this day and age of equality that women would be more willing to pay for themselves, or pay for the outing as often as the guy did.

But I was flabbergasted at the reaction from the audience. They were on the side of the women, essentially stating that the Man should pay for everything and suck it up and become a Man.

So tell me...what is the expectation out there?


Here is one e-mail written from a friend of the show:

Menzoid Talks Back to Greg

Last week we spoke with Greg, a frustrated listener who felt like he was being used and abused by his girlfriend because he constantly has to pick up the bill. Here is the Menzoid's response:

***

Boy-Greg, I want to write your biography.

It will be a sad, depressing tale. It will be a saga about the decline of chivalry; about the end of manliness, about the extinction of that endangered species known as the Gentleman.

By not wanting to pick up the entire tab on your date, Greg, you’re not a real man. You’re a man-child. A boy. A pathetic little pansyfied wimp who should stay at home watching Super Friends re-runs on YTV.

When I heard you on the radio with The Boss of Talk, your whining was an assault on my ears. I didn’t hear a man advancing a debate; I heard a nerd complaining that he had to spend too much of his pocket money to date a woman. “Penelope should pay for some dates, cause otherwise I don’t have enough money for licorice and the latest Casper, The Friendly Ghost comic book. Boo-hoo, boo-hoo …”

Boy, if you don’t have money and want to date a lady, get a job. If you already have a job, get an additional part-time job. Work hard and man up, already.

You have disgraced our gender, Boy. You have violated The Code.

Through millennia, the man has been the provider. Neanderthal men went out on hunting parties to bring down mastodons and mammoths – so dangerous was the prey the task often became a deadly exercise of kill or be killed.

Boy, if you had lived in that tumultuous era, what would you have said to the Neanderthal woman? “Like, hey, baby, can you, like, go hunting instead, ’cause, like, I’m not really all that into ALWAYS being the one hunting. And, like, I wanna do some cave drawings instead.”

Boy, if you had lived back then, I fear homo sapiens would’ve ended up in an evolutionary cul-du-sac. Cause of extinction: Severe Wimpification.

Boy, please, do Mankind a favour this weekend. Please rent some classic James Bond movies.

Note that Bond is driving a sports car, not taking public transit. Note that Bond dresses to the nines, not wearing Birkenstock sandals. And PLEASE note that when Bond is wining and dining the femme fatale, he doesn’t say, “Wanna go Dutch?” when the waiter presents the bill.

But then again, Bond is Double-Oh Seven; he is the hero.

Boy, you’re just Double-Oh. You are a Zero.

Just how did you serenade pretty Penelope on Valentine’s Day last February? My guess:

Roses are red;

Violets are blue;

Here comes the cheque?

Penny, you gotta pay too!

Boy, you probably didn’t even buy her some red roses or a box of chocolates, did you, you cheap bastard?

Boy, you are a gelatinous, spineless worm. You may be of the male gender. But you are no man.

And Boy, now that you’re breaking up with Penelope, with all that new-found coin lurking at the bottom of your Man-Bag, can I humbly make a suggestion? Can you kindly go to a medical clinic and purchase some testicular fortitude since you’re obviously unable to grow a set on your own?

Oh, and Boy-Greg, should you indeed acquiesce to an interview with the Menzoid, I already have the perfect title picked out for your life story. Where the MILD Things Are.

Now I think this is an extremist point of view, someone who clearly likes to rock the boat, but even after this was read on the air, people were still calling in, feeling that men should be paying...

[UltraMarknus]

I never had a gf that expected me to pay all the time. I still did in most cases but never found myself ALWAYS paying. Being married now though, I essentially do pay for everything hahaha

hey, that means I pay for my own xmas gifts......WTF!

[Aernaroth]

As the man, you should be prepared to pay for everything, every time, if only out of "chivalry" or "being a gentleman or whatever". Also it makes you look generous and sucessful. However, if you're in a relationship where you are continuously expected to pay for everything, especially with a woman (or man, if that's your thing, I guess) who should be capable of contributing at least some of the time, that's a problem.

Equality in payment is ideal, I suppose, especially once the relationship has moved past those first couple of dates.

[BadJeff]

In the same boat as you TJ. I always thought 50/50 or "dutch" was the general rule but i'm out of touch with current trends.
Now... if i were unexpectedly thrown onto the market I would make my absolute best attempt to be a cougar huntin' gold digger!

[Mumps]

This isn't a traditional world anymore. That artical was annoying as hell, and I only read up to the point where the person said "Greg, you're not a real man"

Ouch! Is it ok to be a gentleman and pay for the whole thing date? Yes! It is very ok. But you shouldn't be obliged to do it every single time just cause you have a penis! (yes, I went there)

I know girls who find guys who pay every single time to be a turn off. If you have to pay for everything in a relationship, all you are is a self regenerating piggybank, not a Man.

Is it ok if the girl pays? Yes! Should guys be embarrassed if the girl says "Hey, why don't you let me pay for this one?". In most cases, that means she really does care for you!

But who knows, maybe this is why I am still single >.>

[pud333]

I always paid. I'm in a long term relationship now, and I'm still always paying. Which is why I don't have any money for toys lately. (just kidding. my gf pays frequently, and even buys me toys now.)

To be fair, I think there definitely is an expectation for a guy to pay, at least for the first little while. Women want equality, but the idea of chivalry is still around, and a guy is looked upon as cheap if he won't pony up on the bill. Let me be clear: men and women are equal, but not equal at the same time. If you know what I mean.

IMO, I see nothing wrong with a guy paying for the first few dates. But if it's gonna start going somewhere, the woman should also offer up once in a while, or go 50/50. It's only fair. Honestly, most girls I've met don't like the man to pay all the time. They see themselves as being more independent, and are more willing to pay half or all the bill on a regular basis. They don't need a man. But then, maybe I just tend to gravitate towards stronger women.

[Pascal]

In 2009, most couples split the bills. That's what I have always done with Emilie (common agreement) and that's what was happening with the girls I was dating before her too.

[Team Jetfire]

Originally Posted by UltraMarknus

I never had a gf that expected me to pay all the time. I still did in most cases but never found myself ALWAYS paying. Being married now though, I essentially do pay for everything hahaha

Originally Posted by UltraMarknus

hey, that means I pay for my own xmas gifts......WTF!

At least you know that you are getting something that you like

As the man, you should be prepared to pay for everything, every time, if only out of "chivalry" or "being a gentleman or whatever". Also it makes you look generous and sucessful. However, if you're in a relationship where you are continuously expected to pay for everything, especially with a woman (or man, if that's your thing, I guess) who should be capable of contributing at least some of the time, that's a problem.

Equality in payment is ideal, I suppose, especially once the relationship has moved past those first couple of dates.

I always paid. I'm in a long term relationship now, and I'm still always paying. Which is why I don't have any money for toys lately. (just kidding. my gf pays frequently, and even buys me toys now.)

To be fair, I think there definitely is an expectation for a guy to pay, at least for the first little while. Women want equality, but the idea of chivalry is still around, and a guy is looked upon as cheap if he won't pony up on the bill. Let me be clear: men and women are equal, but not equal at the same time. If you know what I mean.

I guess my issue with whole 'It is the guys responsibility to pay' is that guy get the shaft in the whole equal rights bit. Women are perfectly happy enjoy the equal rights that they have fought for, but do not want to give up the good bits of the patriarchy society. It is almost like the man should be so lucky to be enjoying the company of such a fine women that he should be willing to pay her for going out with him. Sounds to me like a demented form of prostitution, but At least when you pay a hooker you know you’re getting a good time.

In 2009, most couples split the bills. That's what I have always done with Emilie (common agreement) and that's what was happening with the girls I was dating before her too.

I think I read that women from Quebec are more inclined to pay their own way. Something about Quebec being less traditional in culture.

[Cliffjumper69]

My girlfriend pays for everything, because Im the man and shes the woman. I kid, I kid, Its 50/50 in our relationship.


CJ

[Black Cat]

If the guy always wants to pay, then I don't really see a problem. I make the effort to pay part of the bill, even if I'm always denied.

In the first few dates, I think the man should pay, but then again, that's just me. And it's just for the few first dates anyway. After that, each couple is different, so it depends.

If financial situations are equal, then making the man always pay is unfair, also if he makes less than her.

Chivalry may be dying in some people's minds, but it doesn't have to be that way. Even if the guy only pays half the bill, the least he can do is open the door for the woman.